Great. Next thing you know, they'll be trotting out that old cliche of impossibly slow, flesh-eating dolls with razor-sharp teeth...
Oh, come on now...
It's lucky that bearish Man Handler (real name) is there to rescue her. How's a girl to repay such a hairy hero? Oh, just by rediscovering the healing power of penis-in-vagina intercourse. You see, in the future the deed is normally done with a pill and a hand touch. Trippy. Also, not cool. Where's the love, man? But, luckily for Barbarella, once you go actual sex you don't go back. And girl is definitely feeling the afterglow.
I think she likes it...
And how does one celebrate? New outfit, of course. Just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
But, wasn't there a purpose to all this? (Don't answer) Oh, yeah. We need to be "Hungry Like the Wolf" for that Duran Duran concert. Well, those post-sex skunk furs aren't gonna help. Time for another–you guessed it–change of outfit! Good thing it's virginal white cause someone just met an angel! No, really. An actual angel:
He may be blind and lost the will to fly, but daaaaaamn he fine. He lives in a labyrinth among other half-naked people trapped in rocks and things. It's all for an Italian Vogue layout. But, whoa, man...Some hollowed-out space guard is trying to harsh our buzz. Good thing you can teach a blind guy to shoot a space gun. Cause he needs to get a reward. Sex...in a nest. And looks like Barbarella's roll in the hay this time was just as satisfying:
It was so good, it gave an angel back his flight. Seriously. Miracle sex. And how was your last time?
Let's go on a flight! (Maybe we'll find the plot.) But, let's not forget the post-coital outfit. Another cape! This time with Wonder Woman boots.
Alright, y'all. I think the LSD is wearing off cause this trip isn't blowing my mind anymore. Quick rundown of the rest before we come to an abrupt end, in honor of the film:
- The city they fly to is a co-ed S & M dungeon built above a giant eeeevil lava lamp.
- The Great Tyrant is trying to...oh, who cares
- Barbarella almost meets her untimely demise to something even more terrifying than dolls: parakeets
- She's saved by a rebellion leader who wants to have sex the good-ol-fashioned pill-like way. It quite literally curls her hair:
- But mainly he just exists to give her a new outfit. Now with a single boob cut-out! Sex=new clothes. And she was wearing that last one for far too long.
- Something about an invisible key and, I don't know. The Magnus destroys everything. The End.
- Oh, and a man in a bong:
Now, The End...
But not before we experience the single greatest moment of the film: A sex organ. (No, not that. Get your mind outta the gutter.) An organ that, when played, administers sexual gratification to the person inside. (Okay, so it was right to be in the gutter.) But as the tune changes, you will die...of pleasure!
I wanna build one in my basement.
But, if there's anything Barbarella is good at (and for the amount of times she almost dies or gets captured, it sure ain't what she's supposed to be doing....) it's sex. And, wouldn't you know? Her sexual appetite can't be satiated and she breaks the machine. But, not before she leaves us with the shot that, for me, captures the essence of the whole film:
It just oozes sex and whimsy, which is what this film is really all about. The red appendages look like they're licking her up and she's loving every minute of it. Plus, the best part, she got a new outfit after!
Sex Total: 4 times–with a Man Handler, an angel, hand sex with a rebel, and a machine
Outfit changes: 8 (not including various states of undress)
*This is apart of the Hit Me With Your Best Shot series at The Film Experience...well, sorta. I'm not really sure what just happened.