Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Nothing compares to early Tim Burton films. You know, when Johnny Depp was charmingly eccentric and not just annoyingly weird. And the films seemed to come from a a singular mind that had a vision of a gothic-chic world we hadn't seen before. It's fitting that the first project that Burton worked on in his early days as a Disney animator was The Black Cauldron–a film criticized for being too dark for children–because he's been bringing that aesthetic edge to his projects ever since. If there's one film who's look is quintessentially Burton-esque, it has to be this week's Hit Me With Your Best Shot entry over at The Film Experience: Edward Scissorhands. 

I've had multiple viewings of the film over the 22 (!) years that it's been out, including one on the big screen at a Burton Retrospective in TriBeCa in conjunction with an exhibit they had on the art of The Corpse Bride. (I still think Beetlejuice has it beat in my total viewings, though. My sisters and I must have worn out that VHS tape.) So, I wasn't exactly expecting to find anything revolutionary for my viewing this time around. I also found myself asking a lot more questions about it than usual. Things I hadn't thought before, like: Why was a suburban sprawl built around a dilapidated house? Wouldn't the real estate market have just taken over that land years ago, bulldozed it, and built up more pastel-colored ranch-style houses? Also, what was this cookie-making inventor doing making a man anyway? What credentials does he have? But most importantly, why didn't he just give Edward regular hands to begin with? Who uses scissors as temporary training tools? What the hell was that gonna teach him? Having sharp objects in the place of hands is just asking for him to be ostracized. So, way to go.

But, that's just the cynical adult in me nitpicking. And it's so easy to fall into that mode nowadays. Which is why I was glad that my favorite scene from the film was still able to instill in me a sense of that childlike wonder I had when I was younger. 

The film begins with a little girl asking her grandmother where snow comes from. Which begins the bedtime story of Edward Scissorhands. Throughout the film, Kim (Winona Ryder–who, by the way, was my favorite actress as kid) hasn't exactly warmed up to the idea of Edward. But as the film unfolds, she slowly recognizes his kind soul and slowly begins to understand that her affections have changed to love. Just before her family's (unattended) Christmas party, something magical happens. As she looks out the window, she sees something that she has never seen in real life. Like a miracle, snow is gently falling in her warm-weathered home. It is wondrous. And as she walks outside, she realizes that Edward is creating it by carving an ice sculpture of an angel with his hands. The moment is just so joyous that she reaches out her arms and basks in the beauty. 

Edward has created this moment for her. A moment that she will always remember. Although their love is not to be, she will always remember him every time it snows. When she feels the snow on her skin later in life, she will feel his presence and the love she felt for him. "Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it." 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Who Am I?

The coming of age drama is a staple of cinema. For one thing, everyone has had a childhood and had to figure out where they fit in. It already has a built in connection. But finding your place in the world can feel even more difficult when you come to realize that you're different than most people. Which is why so many LGBT films are about the process of coming out and finding your true self as a young adult. And while I can think of a couple of good gay films that illustrate this (My Beautiful Launderette, Beautiful ThingGet Real), the only movie I can think of about adolescent lesbians is Heavenly Creatures. Which is a great movie, but is more about unhealthy fantasy and murder–something most young lesbians aren't exactly coming to terms with. Which is why I had such high hopes for this week's entry in The Film Experience's Hit Me With Your Best Shot series, the coming of age drama, Pariah.

The film played at Sundance last year and won an award for Best Cinematography (which is fitting for this series about the best visuals of a film) and star Adepero Oduye received an Independent Spirit Award nomination for her portrayal of Alike (Le), the young woman discovering her sexuality and grappling with her family and society's reactions. While there is much to admire in the film (how often does a film focus on a young black woman, let alone a lesbian?), it never really took off for me. A lot of the performances didn't feel authentic to me and most of the time everyone sounded as if they were reading off cue cards. And for such a serious subject matter, it always seemed slight to me. The film clocks in at less than an hour and a half. I felt it could have taken the time to indulge and let scenes settle in more. It seemed to gloss over one plot point after another so quickly that I never felt like I got to know who these characters were.

The only time I really felt I was getting a glimpse into who this girl was happens in the early moments in the film. After a night clubbing with her friend, Le is left alone on the bus. Before she gets home, she transforms herself from the tomboy she is into the perfect daughter her mother wants her to be:

The transformation happens in less than a minute and the lyrics of the song that play telling us, "you don't know who I am", we learn all we need to know about Le's situation. Her reflection in the bus window just further illustrates the double life that she is leading. And it's the first time we as an audience get to see the person behind the facade. To witness the struggle she faces everyday. 

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Tony! Tony! Tony!

By now, I'm sure you've all seen the Tony nominations that were announced this morning by Emmy award winners (and stage vets!) Jim Parsons (see he him in Roundabout's production of Harvey this summer!) and Tony award winner Kristen Chenoweth (Kristen, honey, leave GCB and come back to Broadway!). You know, if you're into that sort of thing. And just be reassured by returning host Neil Patrick Harris, the Tonys aren't just for gays anymore! And if you're not into did you get to this site? Anyway, on to the nominees and my thoughtful insights because I live in New York! I see Theatre! And I love awards...

For the longest time, when I saw the production stills I thought they had light sabers. They don't. But they would have fit in just fine with the production...
Best Play
Clybourne Park
Other Desert Cities
Peter and the Starcatcher
Venus in Fur
The only one of these four that I haven't seen is Claybourne Park (which won the Pulitzer Prize last year!). It's probably gonna win, so I should probably get on that. Of the three I've seen, Peter and the Starcatcher was my favorite. It's just a great example of why we go to Theatre. It's the kind of magic that can only happen on a stage. Your imagination is just free to roam when you see the creativity they are achieving onstage. And I kept getting choked up at certain points. I really enjoyed Other Desert Cities as well, but there are some plot points that are a little questionable. And I didn't really care for Venus in Fur all that much. It got really repetitive, there's only so much you can do with just two people on the stage the whole time. 
Best Musical
Leap of Faith
Nice Work If You Can Get It
Three musicals based on movies and a musical written around the songs of Gershwin–yep, all really original. I haven't seen any of these yet (I'm more of a play kinda guy), but I really want to see Once and Newsies. I really love the movie Once and have seen Swell Season (Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the film) a couple of times in concert. And people keep telling me they didn't like the movie (including the person I saw it in the theatre with when it came out. You liked it then!), but that this musical is ah-MAZ-ing (it also has the most nominations this year with 11)! I didn't see the movie version of Newsies until I was in my late 20s and let's just say it's one of those movies you would have had to see as a child to enjoy. But, I've only heard good things about the musical. You could not pay me to see Leap of Faith or Nice Work. Seriously. No Spiderman. Is anyone really surprised by that? 
Best Revival of a Play
Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman
Gore Vidal's The Best Man
Master Class

Do Death of a Salesman and The Best Man officially have to have the author's name attached to them from now on? I didn't know there were other productions with the same name? But can't get them confused with Neil Simon's Death of a Salesman or Shakespeare's The Best Man. Also, those are the two shows I haven't seen yet. I'm dying to see Death (oh, I just realized what I did there...) and it's probably gonna win. I'm surprised Master Class made it on here as it was the first show to open the 2011-2012 season way back in August. Faye Dunaway must be happy people remember it. I didn't love this production of Wit mainly because I think Cynthia Nixon had to work too hard to make us believe her in the role. She just doesn't have that innate academia intelligence naturally about her the way Emma Thompson did in the HBO version.

Best Revival of a Musical
The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess
Jesus Christ Supersta

The only one of these that I saw was Follies and it's most likely gonna win, so good thing I did. I enjoyed it a lot. Many people consider tis one of the greatest musicals ever written. I wouldn't go that far...I really want to see Evita. I love the music and it's the first revival since the original production made Patti LuPone a star. But, everyone keeps saying Elena Roger is screaming her way through the performances. Maybe that's why she didn't get nominated...I heard people are surprised Godspell wasn't nominated, but that production was awful. I left at intermission. I was also really drunk, which may have contributed to my strong dislike. But I couldn't sit through that twee Christian propaganda. 
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Play
James Corden, One Man, Two Guvnors
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman
James Earl Jones, Gore Vidal's The Best Man
Frank Langella, Man and Boy
John Lithgow, The Columnist

It's really between Corden and Hoffman in what are so completely different performances, how can you choose who's "best"? I mean, I haven't seen either, yet (oh, god. The only one I've seen is Frank Langella. Yikes.), Corden is doing slapstick comedy and Hoffman is doing one of the most iconic characters in dramatic history. Tough call. Jones, Langella, and Lithgow seem to be here on name recognition as none have really been praised all that much. Too bad Alan Rickman's name is further down alphabetically...
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Play
Nina Arianda, Venus in Fur
Tracie Bennett, End of the Rainbow
Stockard Channing, Other Desert Cities
Linda Lavin, The Lyons
Cynthia Nixon, Wit
Like last year, this category looks to be pretty competitive. Nina gets her second Tony nom in a row in this category (She was in my group for final semester of school. She's since worked with Woody Allen and has two Tony noms and I'm typing away at this blog, Yeah...). Stockard was wonderful in Other Desert Cities. Sat in the front row, so I was close for all the action (also close to see Judith Light's bunions). I still have to see Bennett playing Judy Garland and Linda Lavin (who didn't take her Follies role to Broadway so she could be the lead in this. I bet she's happy with her choice), but I plan on before Tony night. Surprised that they remembered Master Class for Revival but not Tyne Daly here. She kinda is the play. Don't know who she would replace though. Maybe Cynthia Nixon.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical
Danny Burstein, Follies
Jeremy Jordan, Newsies
Steve Kazee, Once
Norm Lewis, The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess
Ron Raines, Follies
Another close race. I don't think it'll be either of the Follies guys (that show is really about the gals anyway). A couple of new stars and a veteran. If someone twisted my arm until I made a pick, I guess I'd go with Kazee.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Musical
Jan Maxwell, Follies
Audra McDonald, The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess
Cristin Milioti, Once
Kelli O'Hara, Nice Work If You Can Get It
Laura Osnes, Bonnie & Clyde
I think a lot of people were shocked that Bernadette Peters didn't make the cut in this category while Osnes in the long-closed Bonnie & Clyde did. I can't vouch for Osnes because I didn't see her show. I was busy that week. But she really seems like she's being groomed to be Broadway's next leading lady (like a Kelli O'Hara type). She just played Maria in an anniversary concert of Sound of Music at Carnegie Hall and it was announced that she's gonna be Cinderella in a Broadway revival of the Rogers and Hammerstein version. So, obviously things are going good for her. Bernie, whom I love, was no at her best in Follies. The night I saw her she could barely get through her songs. I'm all for emotion in the song, but you do actually have to be able to sing it as well. I think it's down to Maxwell and McDonald and I'm leanin' towards Jan because she's never won and she was snubbed twice in 2010 when she was a double nominee . 
Best Performance by an Actor in a Featured Role in a Play
Christian Borle, Peter and the Starcatcher
Michael Cumpsty, End of the Rainbow
Tom Edden, One Man, Two Guvnors
Andrew Garfield, Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman
Jeremy Shamos, Clybourne Park
After seeing Peter, my friend wondered if Christian Borle was gay. I didn't think there was any question about it after seeing him in Angels in America onstage, his role in Smash, and his hilariously flamboyant performance in this. But, then my friend said he used to be married. To a woman. And not just any woman–Sutton Foster. Which really doesn't help his case because what guy man wouldn't marry two-time Tony award winner Sutton? Oh, and he's winning this Tony. Sorry, Andrew Garfield. You can go cry on the pile of money your unnecessary Spiderman movie will make. 
Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Play
Linda Emond, Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman
Spencer Kayden, Don't Dress for Dinner
Celia Keenan-Bolger, Peter and the Starcatcher
Judith Light, Other Desert Cities
Condola Rashad, Stick Fly
The biggest surprise here is that Angela Landsbury isn't nominated for The Best Man, excuse me–Gore Vidal's The Best Man (don't want to get you confused). Every time she's in a new production I rush to se her in it as who knows how long she'll be able to do 8 live shows a week? The woman is 86! But, as soon as I see her in something, it's announced she's on to another Broadway show. I can't keep up with her! She needs her own Kardashian like reality show...And she needs to take Spencer Kayden's place. Who was the best part of a really flat, unfunny show. Which isn't good in a comedic farce, y'all. Celia is more of a lead in Peter. Which means it's between Emond and Judith Light. I'm hoping for TV's Angela Bower only to see if she thanks Tony Danza in her acceptance speech.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Featured Role in a Musical
Phillip Boykin, The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess
Michael Cerveris, Evita
David Alan Grier, The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess
Michael McGrath, Nice Work If You Can Get It
Josh Young, Jesus Christ Superstar
People are shocked that Ricky Martin didn't get nominated? Really? They do know he was just cast to sell tickets (like Uma Thurman's Rebecca Duvall on Smash!), right? Did anyone really think he would be nominated? I only know who Michael Cerveris and David Alan Grier are in this category. And Michael has already won before and the part of Peron isn't really that good. So, I'm gonna go with DAG for the win. 
Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Musical
Elizabeth A. Davis, Once
Jayne Houdyshell, Follies
Judy Kaye, Nice Work If You Can Get It
Jessie Mueller, On A Clear Day You Can See Forever
Da'Vine Joy Randolph, Ghost the Musical
I really need to see Once cause who the hell is the other female character? I don't recall any other females other than the lead in the film. Not even like a woman in the background that puts some money in Glen Hansard's guitar case. People really love this musical. I don't even remember Jayne Houdyshell in Follies. It'll be nice for Jessie Mueller to add "Tony Award Nominee" when she plays Cinderella in the park with Amy Adams. And the role of Oda Mae won Whoopi an Oscar, but from what I hear, Da'Vine ain't no Whoopi. Sooooo...random girl from Once! Your show has the most nominations and you deserve it!
The Tech nominees after the jump. They aren't even good enough for the actual ceremony on Broadcast TV, so why start acting like I care now...
The Tonys air LIVE on June 10th at 8:00PM EST on CBS

Monday, April 30, 2012

Kiki's Golden Birthday

Today, April 30th, marks the golden birthday (that's the birthday that you turn the age that the day is. And this is a milestone birthday: 30!) of Kirsten Dunst.

Kiki is one of the only actresses (the other is Keira Knightley) that when you mention her, most people talk about how much they dislike her. I've seen people get really adamant about it. I don't know where all the hate comes from, but I've enjoyed her since her days as a young vampire. So, in honor of her birthday, here are 30 things to celebrate about Kirsten.

  • Her imperfect teeth. As someone who grew up hating the gap in my front teeth, I've learned to appreciate it's uniqueness. And Kiki's snaggletooth gives her a quirky charm. 
"I want some more."
  • It's KEER-sten, not KUR-sten. (Remember when you had to call to get movie times? I heard that dreaded digital tone and that automated voice telling me, "I'm sorry. I didn't get that", when I corrected their pronunciation of her name once...)
  • Receiving a Golden Globe nomination at the age of 12 for Best Supporting Actress in Interview With the Vampire
  • She speaks German and gained dual citizenship (Germany and USA) in 2011.
"You don't need scores of suitors. You only need one–if he's the right one."
  • Turned down the role of Angela in American Beauty because she was 15 and didn't want to kiss Kevin Spacey. Kiki, NO ONE wants to kiss Kevin Spacey...
  • "Well this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant! This...this...this is Nazi Germany!"
  • Appeared in a made for TV movie entitled, Fifteen and Pregnant. I wonder what it's about...
  • Playing the love interest of an obvious homosexual in that 90s pop sensation Savage Garden's "I Knew I Loved You" music video
  • Her first "adult" role as the mysterious Lux in Sofia Coppala's The Virgin Suicides.
  • Roller skating with Michelle Williams in Nixon's White House in Dick.
"Courtney, this is not a Democracy. It's a Cheer-ocracy."
  • Her refusal to wear a bra in any scene in Crazy/Beautiful. That's how you can tell what a free spirit she is!
  • Reenacting Marion Davies' silent films in The Cat's Meow
  • One of the most iconic screen kisses ever:
  • Dancing around with Mark Ruffalo in their underwear in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • Her multiple costume changes in Marie Antoinette
  • Appearing on the cover of the coveted September Issue of Vogue in costume as Marie Antoinette
  • Her ad campaign for Bvlgari with a lion:
  • Giving her best work to date in the little seen All Good Things
  • Joining the ranks of Isabelle Huppert and Barabra Hershey as a Best Actress award winner at the Cannes Film Festival for Melancholia
  • Went to rehab for depression, but used that negative into a positive as she channeled that time to play the depressed Justine in Melancholia (a role she took over for Penelope Cruz)
  • Has a production company called Wooden Spoon Productions
  • Whatever the hell this crazy/beatuful thing is:

  • Her priceless reactions to Lars Van Trier's remarks at Cannes
  • Cameo in the Sundance screened short about the Beastie Boys Fight For Your Right (Revisited)
  • Upcoming girls-being-ranchy-and-funny comedy Bridesmaids Bachlorette
  • Her attachment to play Blondie singer Debbie Harry in a biopic directed by Michel Gondry
  • Doesn't have a Golden Oscar, yet, for her Golden birthday. But, it seems like she'll be nominated in the very near future...

Sisterly Bonds

If one were to make a film adaptation of the work of Jane Austen, Regency England, and the bond of sisters, a male, Taiwanese director doesn't immediately stand out as the ideal person for the job. But, such is the brilliance of Academy Award winning director, Ang Lee. In his English language film debut, 1995's Sense and Sensibility, the director crafted a film that still ranks as the best film version of Jane Austen's work (Sorry, Joe Wright) and one of the best film's of the 90s. Not being English and steeped in the legend and reverence of Austen, he was able to look at the material through a fresh pair of eyes. And he has stated that his culture is all about repressed emotions, which people don't understand in the same way they did during Austen's time. It allowed him to get inside the psyche of these characters, who hid their true feelings, and capture the heartache of unrequited and unspoken love. And, yes, at it's heart Sense and Sensibility is very much a love story. But, the love that holds the film together is not romantic love, but the relationship between sisters– sensible Elinor (Emma Thompson) and wildly romantic Marianne (Kate Winslet)–that is the heart of the film.

I have highlighted three scenes that I feel best capture the relationship of the two and the growth it undergoes.
The Tease

Elinor: I do not attempt to deny that I think very highly of him. I greatly esteem him. I like him
Marianne: Esteem him? Like him? Use those insipid words again and I shall leave the room this instant.
Elinor: Very well. Forgive me. Believe my feelings to be stronger than I declared, but further than that you must not believe. 

After the death of their father, the Dashwood sisters are left virtually penniless as all his money and estate, by law, belong to his son of a previous marriage. Their half-brother and shrewish sister-in-law Fanny (Harriet Walter) have come to their soon-to-be-home, displacing the life the girls of the only life they have known. Elinor's repressed emotions are also put in an uproar as she begins to form an attachment to Fanny's visiting brother Edward (Hugh Grant). 

Up until this point, Marianne, who very much wears her heart on her sleeve, has been sulking about the home (all melancholy, downward looks and dreary piano songs). This is the first real, intimate interaction the sisters share with each other in the film. Marianne has gone to Elinor's room to inquire about her sister's affections. 

Marianne believes that real love is the kind that is hot to the touch and burns you with emotion. Elinor, careful with her emotions, is not outwardly showing her devotion the way Marianne prefers. Marianne gently teases her sister in this scene–berating Edward's lack of passion for reading poetry and for the limpid response Elinor gives when asked if she loves him. 

The scene quickly illustrates how each feels about the other. Despite all Marianne's teasing, she is devoted to her sister, even saying that she can't imagine living without her when she marries. Thompson and Winslet have a naturalness with each other and a playfulness that feeds off each other. Ang had them live together during the production so they could deepen their relationship off-screen, thus making the bond that much more believable onscreen. 

Heartbreak and Understanding after the jump

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Saturday Mornings Chat and Chew

Dionne: Look at him! Ooo, baby!

Tai: Break me off a piece of that!

Cher: Survey says?

Tai: Do-able.

Dionne: Puny. I like em big.

Cher: Eh, I hate muscles.

Tai: You know what, I don't care either way. Oh, just as long as his you-know-what isn't crooked.
         I really hate that.

Cher: What?

Dionne: Shh, don't scare her.

Tai: Why? What's wrong?

Dionne: Cher is saving herself for Luke Perry.

Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?!?

Cher: God, you say that like it's a bad thing.

Dionne: Besides, the PC term is: hymenly challenged.

Cher: I am just not interested in doing it until I meet the right person. You see how picky I am about
           my shoes and they only go on my feet.

Tai: Yeah...

Cher: You're one to talk, Di.

Tai: Oh, wait a minute here. Wait. I thought, like, you and Murray were...

Dionne: No. My man is sat-is-fied. He's got no cause for complaints. But, technically, I'm a virgin.
              You know what I mean.

Tai: Oh, God...

Cher: What's wrong. Tai?

Tai: They're playing our song. You know, the one Elton and I danced to...Rollin' with the Homies...

Dionne: Oh, Tai. Don't cry.

Tai: I'm sorry. (Starts banging head on table)

Dionne: Oh, my God. Stop!

Cher (V.O.): I could tell Tai's grieving period would be considerable. Unless I found someone to
          take Elton's place right away.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Face of a Star

There are certain actresses that are ambassadors of world cinema and are as synonymous with their home country as the products, culture, and traditions that come from it. Think Catherine Deneuve for France, Sophia Loren for Italy, Aishwarya Rei for India. For China, that distinction belongs to Gong Li.

The first movie that actually introduced me to the talents of Gong Li was her role as the beautiful but haughty geisha, Hatsumomo, in Rob Marshall's adaptation of Memoirs of a Geisha. The film itself was beautiful, if somewhat lacking. But, I was immediately struck with the fiery movie star-presence of Gong Li. The fact that she learned her English lines phonetically and still seemed connected to the material was an impressive feat. I was at once fascinated by her. I delved into her filmography and discovered the significant impact that her body of work (along with director, Zhang Yimou) had in ushering Chinese cinema into the world market. Making China a country that created important, artistic films that changed the movie landscape.

One of the director and muse's first films together, Ju Dou, became the first Chinese film to ever be nominated for an Academy Award. But, perhaps the film that had the biggest impact and cemented Gong Li's place in cinema's pantheon was the 1991 film, and the subject of this week's Hit Me With Your Best Shot at The Film Experience, Raise the Red Lantern.

In my Gong Li movie-marathons, I hadn't actually seen this one yet. So, I was definitely eager to watch it. The story follows Songlian, an university student who drops out of school to be the fourth mistress of a wealthy master. The film is filled with lush cinematography courtesy of the titular lanterns that shine in the house of whichever mistress the master has chosen for the night. It's all very Chinese Big Love. (I guess that would make Gong Li, Ginnifer Goodwin?)

I wasn't expecting to find my favorite shot so early. But within the first frames, I was hooked. A stoic Gong Li in her schoolgirl braids has made a very real decision to marry a rich man. When her mother (a disembodied voice) tells her she will just be his concubine, Songlian unblinkingly states, "Let me be a concubine. Isn't that a woman's fate?"

There is no emotion in her voice or face, but her feelings are betrayed with the single tear that wells up and eventually falls from each eye. Much of the film is told through close-ups of Gong Li's face. The story is told through her eyes. In fact, we never actually see the face of the man she is married to. He only ever appears in wide shots so that the audience feels the same distance that Songlian feels toward him. 

The most striking thing about these close-ups is how still they are. The camera captures even the slightest movement. A lesser actor would be afraid to do more, but Gong trusts the camera. People remarked that working on set with Marilyn Monroe was frustrating because she appeared to be doing nothing. Then when you saw her on screen, you realized what control she had of the projection of her image. That's what makes a star. And in this film, Gong Li is a star. 

The impact of this moment has even more weight after you've experienced the entire film. Over the course of the film, the teary-eyed innocent that thought she knew the ways of the world becomes corrupted and see what damage the world–and she, herself–are capable of. Gone is any sense of feeling. In the demonic glow of the red lanterns, she begins her descent into madness. 

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Saturday Mornings Chat and Chew

Sally: So, what do you do with these women? You just get up out of bed and leave?

Harry: Sure

Sally: Well, explain to me how you do it? What do you say?

Harry: Just say I have an early meeting, early haircut, early squash game...

Sally: You don't play squash.

Harry: They don't know that. They just met me.

Sally: That's disgusting.

Harry: I know. I feel terrible.

Sally: You know, I am so glad I never got involved with you. I just would've ended up being some
          woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at 3 o'clock in the morning to go clean your
          andirons. And you don't even have a fireplace. Not that I would know this.

Harry: What are you getting so upset about? This is not about you.

Sally: Yes, it is! You are a human affront to all women. And I am a woman.

Harry: Hey, I don't feel great about this. But, I don't hear anyone complaining.

Sally: Of course not. You're out the door too fast.

Harry: I think they have an okay time.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Whaddyamean, how do I know? I know.

Sally: Because they...

Harry: Yes, because they...

Sally: How do you know that they're really...

Harry: What. Are. You. Saying? That they fake orgasm?

Sally: It's possible.

Harry: Get outta here.

Sally: Why? Most women at one time or another have faked it.

Harry: Well, they haven't faked it with me.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because I know.

Sally: Oh. Right. That's right. I forgot–you're a man.

Harry: What is that supposed to mean?

Sally: Nothing. It's just that all man are sure it never happened to them and most woman at one time or
          another have done it, so you do the math.

Harry: You don't think that I can tell the difference?

Sally: No

Harry: Get outta here.

Sally: Oooo. Oh. Oooo...

Harry: Are you okay?

Sally: Oooo. Oh, god. Oooo. Oh, god! Oooo. Oh! Oh! Oh, God! Oh, yeah, right there! Oh!(gasp, gasp)

          Oh! Oh! Oh!Oh, GOD! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Oh! Oh, YES! YES! YES!

          YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Oh! Oh! Oh, god!

Woman: I'll have what she's having.