The Very Graphic Village People

So, um...yeah. There was...huh. Guys, I just can't think of anything to say. I'm at a lose for words regarding this week's film for Hit Me With Your Best Shot from Nathaniel at The Film Experience. The film that's left me so stupefied happens to be the first film to have the honor(?) of receiving the very first Razzie for Worst Picture. No argument there. Can't Stop the Music, the hard-hitting drama about a young girl discovering how music has the power to soothe her soul in a concentration camp...nah, just kidding, its about the Village People. And for 2 hours I literally could not stop the music, but mainly I just wondered what the hell it was that I had gotten myself into. Let's try to make sense of it all...

So, this much is true: Steve Guttenberg, The Gutt, stars as a non-village person. He's a roller-skating DJ, but he's really a composer that wants to bring his funky beats to the masses. Luckily his ex-model roommate (I'm not entirely sure he is the roommate. Does he pay rent? He may just be her plant waterer? But judging how men in Native American headdresses just make appearances in her apartment without much notice, I'm guessing she's not aware of a lot of the goings-on in her home.) has connections in the music industry to get him started. That's code for, she slept around with the right people.

Since they're too poor/cheap to pay professional musicians, The Gutt and The Model assemble a gaggle of gays to record the music. The group is made up of every gay porn scenario known since the beginning of time. There is the Cop, Leather Stud, Army Man, Cowboy, Construction Worker, and, of course, that old gay cliché, Indian. This was the very un-PC times of 1980, so, yes, he was an Indian and not a Native American. I'm actually pretty sure he was Puerto Rican anyway.

Along the way Bruce Jenner, post-Olympic fame, pre-Kardashian, reality TV infamy, shows up for reasons I'm still not entirely certain of. Oh yeah, Model needs to get laid. But it's a little questionable when he dresses like this:

Yep, nothing says I'm a heterosexual looking to romance the ladies like a belly shirt and ball-hugging never-nudes. No. Seriously. That's what they wore in 1980.

For my Best Shot I toyed with the idea of going highbrow and comparing the shot of Model flashing her leg to catch a cab to that of Claudette Colbert in It Happened One Night and showing the evolution of the Romantic Comedy throughout the years. But that didn't seem true to the spirit of this film. So I went another direction and just decided to go Gay, Gay, Gay! And where else but at the YMCA!

Things get a little homoerotic and NSFWish from here on out...

The Hit of All of Europe and Cannes

Twitter is officially the new place to debut a still from your new movie. Just days after Jerry Bruckheimer tweeted a pic from the set of the upcoming, big-budget blockbuster, The Lone Ranger, Best Actress Oscar winner (but, please don't mention Mommie Dearest), Faye Dunaway, tweeted this picture from the set of her feature film directing debut–the film version of Terrence McNally's play Master Class. She also stars in the film as opera diva, Maria Callas.

You haven't mentioned the Johnny Depp picture. Which I was brilliant in.

The play focuses on the legendary singer as she preformed master classes at Juilliard in the 70s and flashes back to when the opera star was with oil tycoon (and future Jackie O husband), Aristotle Onassis. The play debuted on Broadway in the fall of 1995 and won Tonys for Best Play, Best Actress in a Play (Zoe Caldwell), and Best Featured Actress in a Play (Audra McDonald). Faye did the National Tour of the production in 1996 and bought the film rights over a decade ago. Judging from the looks of that pic, it looks like the movie was filmed back in the 90s as well. 

I had no idea this was even happening. And after seeing the recent Broadway revival this summer with Tyne Daly, I'm not so sure it's necessary. The play is essentially a one-woman monologue as Maria Callas berates 3 students and tells tales of her glory days (complete with outlandish impressions of Onassis!). It's just so theatrical. I don't really see how it would work as a movie. And that picture isn't exactly inspiring confidence in Faye's ability as a director. This is the shot you choose to get people excited about your film? What's even going on? It looks like a staged shot from a community theatre production. 

Faye's been in the news in recent years for starting a feud with Hilary Duff and being evicted from her bug-infested New York apartment, so it's good to see her acting in something of value again. Faye really is a living legend. Even though things haven't been so great for her over the past few years decades, her body of work (Bonnie and Clyde, Chinatown, Network, and, yes, even Mommie Dearest) has already stood the test of time. She's brilliant in them. And if you don't believe me, just have her tell you herself. This is perhaps her greatest performance:

Oscar Winning Kisses

"Watch the botox, Meryl!"

Got MLK?

They're Saying What We're All Thinking

This was too funny not to repost. There are more at this link. 

The Sum of Our Parts

"There are no small parts. Only small actors. You can quote me on that"-Lindsay Lohan Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Thanks, Lindsay. I just did. And while that may be true, can you identify the "parts" of these three famous actresses? You can judge for yourself if they are small or not. Leave your answers in the comments.