Alternate Oscar Ballot

As much as I love the Oscars, wouldn't it be exciting to see them give out awards to the categories that really matter. Like, Best Kiss or Best Action Scene. What's that you say? Those are categories at the MTV Movie Awards? Well, maybe they're on to something...Behold the Alternate Nominees of 2011:

Worst Performance By a Previous Oscar Winner 

Nicolas Cage Trespass, Drive Angry, Season of the Witch

Jodie Foster The Beaver

Tom Hanks Larry Crowne

Nicole Kidman Just Go With It, Trespass

Natalie Portman No Strings Attached, Your Highness

Best Jessica Chastain Performance

Jessica Chastain Coriolanus

Jessica Chastain The Debt

Jessica Chastain The Help

Jessica Chastain Take Shelter

Jessica Chastain The Tree of Life

Hottest Actor: Male

Michael Fassbender Jane Eyre, X-Men:First Class, Shame

Chris Hemsworth Thor

Ryan Gosling Crazy, Stupid, Love; Drive

Chris Evans Captain America: The First Avenger

Glenn Close Albert Nobbs

Hottest Actor: Female

Mila Kunis Friends With Benefits

Rachel McAdams Midnight in Paris

Michelle Williams My Week With Marilyn

January Jones X Men:First Class

Meryl Streep The Iron Lady

Most Stylish

The Gods in Immortals

The Driver's satin bomber jackets in Drive

Lisbeth Salander's punk looks in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (It even inspired an H&M line)

Emma Frost's all white 60's ensembles in X-Men:First Class

J.Edgar Hoover in his mother's dress and pearls in J.Edgar

Best Performance by a Non-Human, Best Scene Stealers, and more after the jump

Best Performance by a Non-Human

Uggie the Dog The Artist

Arthur the Dog Beginners

Paw-Paw the Cat The Future

Miss Piggy The Muppets

Tilda Swinton We Need to Talk About Kevin

Most Unbelievable Casting

Carey Mulligan as a Denny's waitress Drive

Justin Timberlake as a nerdy teacher Bad Teacher

Blake Lively as a pilot and business owner in Green Lantern

American Kirsten Dunst and French Charlotte Gainsbourg as sisters in Melancholia

Sarah Jessica Parker as a character that isn't Carrie Bradshaw in I Don't Know How She Does It, New Year's Eve

Best Scene Stealers

Corey Stoll Midnight in Paris

Melissa McCarthy Bridesmaids

Anjelica Houston 50/50

Sissy Spacek The Help

Michael Fassbender's penis Shame

Best Performance by an Actor Under 25

Hunter McCracken The Tree of Life

Elizabeth Olsen Martha Marcy May Marlene

Saoirse Ronan Hanna

Alex Shaffer Win Win

Mia Wasikowska Jane Eyre

Biggest Dissapointment

The Ides of March

The Conspirator

J.Edgar

The Beaver

The Justine section of Melancholia