Thursday, December 29, 2011

Alternate Oscar Ballot

As much as I love the Oscars, wouldn't it be exciting to see them give out awards to the categories that really matter. Like, Best Kiss or Best Action Scene. What's that you say? Those are categories at the MTV Movie Awards? Well, maybe they're on to something...Behold the Alternate Nominees of 2011:

Worst Performance By a Previous Oscar Winner 
Nicolas Cage Trespass, Drive Angry, Season of the Witch
Jodie Foster The Beaver
Tom Hanks Larry Crowne
Nicole Kidman Just Go With It, Trespass
Natalie Portman No Strings Attached, Your Highness

Best Jessica Chastain Performance
Jessica Chastain Coriolanus
Jessica Chastain The Debt
Jessica Chastain The Help
Jessica Chastain Take Shelter
Jessica Chastain The Tree of Life

Hottest Actor: Male
Michael Fassbender Jane Eyre, X-Men:First Class, Shame
Chris Hemsworth Thor
Ryan Gosling Crazy, Stupid, Love; Drive
Chris Evans Captain America: The First Avenger
Glenn Close Albert Nobbs

Hottest Actor: Female
Mila Kunis Friends With Benefits
Rachel McAdams Midnight in Paris
Michelle Williams My Week With Marilyn
January Jones X Men:First Class
Meryl Streep The Iron Lady

Most Stylish
The Gods in Immortals
The Driver's satin bomber jackets in Drive
Lisbeth Salander's punk looks in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (It even inspired an H&M line)
Emma Frost's all white 60's ensembles in X-Men:First Class
J.Edgar Hoover in his mother's dress and pearls in J.Edgar

Best Performance by a Non-Human, Best Scene Stealers, and more after the jump

Best Performance by a Non-Human
Uggie the Dog The Artist
Arthur the Dog Beginners
Paw-Paw the Cat The Future
Miss Piggy The Muppets
Tilda Swinton We Need to Talk About Kevin

Most Unbelievable Casting
Carey Mulligan as a Denny's waitress Drive
Justin Timberlake as a nerdy teacher Bad Teacher
Blake Lively as a pilot and business owner in Green Lantern
American Kirsten Dunst and French Charlotte Gainsbourg as sisters in Melancholia
Sarah Jessica Parker as a character that isn't Carrie Bradshaw in I Don't Know How She Does It, New Year's Eve

Best Scene Stealers
Corey Stoll Midnight in Paris
Melissa McCarthy Bridesmaids
Anjelica Houston 50/50
Sissy Spacek The Help
Michael Fassbender's penis Shame

Best Performance by an Actor Under 25
Hunter McCracken The Tree of Life
Elizabeth Olsen Martha Marcy May Marlene
Saoirse Ronan Hanna
Alex Shaffer Win Win
Mia Wasikowska Jane Eyre

Biggest Dissapointment
The Ides of March
The Conspirator
The Beaver
The Justine section of Melancholia

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